The Hermit and the Dancer – Recovering from the Oversharer’s Remorse
A few days back, a friend called me after a long time. From the way she said hello, it was obvious she wanted to talk about something that was important to her. She asked me how I was. Here’s where this story begins. In response to her question, I opened my heart and shared everything that was going on. I went into many branches and returned to the original topic at the end of this whole sharing. We paused. The pause was a bit longer. She then shared what she had called to talk about. She was holding back in the beginning. As she felt more received, she started sharing more freely.
While you’re reading this, just curious. Have you had a similar experience?
You know what this is like, right?
As we were wrapping up the call after a heartful and warm exchange, I asked her why she hesitated sharing all that she was going through at the beginning of our chat. I mentioned that this would help me understand how I can be of deeper service to people I love. She said, “Your life is already so busy and full of active themes. I didn’t want to be a bother. But later when you paused, somehow I felt you had the space for my stories and it all started to flow.”
After the call, I sat with my cup of tea to reflect on what had happened. I felt grateful for her expression, and then I felt what is called ‘the oversharer’s remorse’. Things I was talking about were not necessarily relevant to that conversation, especially when I already felt that she called to talk about something in particular. I reflected on all the busy-ness I brought into the chat. I spoke about my entire week’s schedule. I elaborated on every tiny detail of almost everything I did in the last two days! All this time, she must have been waiting for me to finish, so she could share with me something that was troubling her. Lucky for me, this friend probably didn’t mind and it caused no long-term damage to our connection.
Of course, this is not the first time this has happened, neither was this the first friend who had experienced this with me. I wanted to explore two things – First, how can I understand my occasional but regrettable indulgence in oversharing. Next, how can I shift from being an oversharer to a Sacred Witness.
Deep diving into why I feel the need to overshare from time to time, I opened up my Gene Keys profile as well as my Human Design to contemplate what was going on from an external, and possibly, more objective perspective. A bit of a jargon alert!
My Life’s Work Gene Key is in Line 2, the Hermit and Dancer. It reflects in my Human Design as well, where I’ve got the 2/4 Single Definition. If you’re into Gene Keys and Human Design, you might have an idea of what it might mean.
In simple words, I saw these tools tell me about my fundamental need and tendency to go on hermit mode, and then come out and dance with the world when I feel ready. It told me how my need to be in solitude is as important as my need to have interactions and connections with others. I’m sharing this because even without Gene Keys or Human Design, I know that each of us have a proportion of time we need with self and time that’s nourishing with others. This proportion may vary from person to person and that’s what makes us unique. For our own wellness, its vital that we consciously care for our nourishment from solitude as well as interactions with others in the way we need it.
Coming back to my story and reflections, I realised that I tend to overshare when I’ve been in my solitude for longer than I need. It’s when I’ve stayed inside my hermit’s den for weeks. It’s when I can’t remember the last time I spent quality time with family or had a long soulful conversation with a friend. Its definitely when I’ve forgotten the last dish I ordered at a local café. Imagine now when a friend calls out of the blue to break this streak! They get a whole dump of every detail of my life in that moment, because, at some unconscious level, I’ve felt like I wasn’t witnessed for so long. Its neither healthy for the other person, nor for me to overshare like that. This helped me learn to honour my natural rhythm of solitude and interaction, as the Gene Keys call it, The Hermit and the Dancer. After going into a few rabbit holes, this Alice had finally extracted some pearls of wisdom from her little wonderland!
Now comes the second part of my reflections - how can I shift from being an oversharer to a sacred witness. If you’ve realized you’re oversharing during a conversation, you certainly don’t wait to wait till its over! All it will do is add a few more details to your regret. As in my story, you might consider pausing as soon as you get the first inkling that you may be oversharing. Literally, that pause shifts everything. It really helps; helped me! Even better if you can send out a simple prayer and ask for assistance. I believe our guides are always watching our backs and that pause is their cue to balance things out. They’re always there to assist us, with no exception. All they want is for us to pause and ask.
Now if you’ve already had the conversation and your beautiful mind is now overthinking that interaction, I’ve got to let you know, I totally get you! I know it feels uncomfortable and can range from a slight intrigue to a massive episode of overthinking. Unless you’re just a day away from becoming an enlightened Buddha, you’ve been there and know this feeling. Okay I’m being a bit dramatic here. But you get what I’m saying.
So what to do at this point? I created a few strategies for myself. Some of them might work for you too!
1. Create a simple routine to have some kind of connection each day - If I’m on the ‘hermit’ side of my mood, maybe a walk in nature or journaling. I’ve recently added going to a coffee shop and treating myself to a nice brunch in this toolkit. I get to see people and don’t need to interact. It’s comforting to be around people even when in hermit mode. It somehow feels good and easy. If I’m in my ‘dancer’ mode or simply a bit more on the social side on a particular day, making the effort to chat with someone I feel comfortable with. What if you created a simple check and routine for yourself? For all you natural hermits out there, this can be hard but you’ll thank me for stepping into a deeper act of self-love this way. It’s so vital to our wellbeing as we all thrive in safe and soulful connections!
2. Checking the word count of the day - Excluding my regular work interactions, checking if I’m actually used my voice to interact with someone. If I’m at zero or less than my comfortable word count per day (just an expression and not an actual formula), recording my voice on my phone to talk about anything that’s coming up really helps. I generally delete these voice notes but somehow it helps me feel listened to when I record it first. I’ve been doing it for years and forget to use this idea sometimes. If you know your comfortable spoken wordcount of the day, roughly of course, you have a tangible way to cater to your need. Some days it can be 20 and others, 200,000. Best part is that its equally fulfilling to talk to others as it is to journal and get those words out in some form, even if you delete them later.
3. Consciously responding to “How are you today?” - Being mindful of how I answer a “How are you today?” If the person is asking this to just start the conversation and I can already feel its because they want to share something, keeping my answer truthful but short helps. It feels authentic and protects me from not falling into the regrettable oversharing side. Answering this is when I usually overshare so I’m making this an intentional and grounded response. When you actually feel into how this is being asked, you’ll know if a long answer is expected or its just a way to start an interaction. Then it’s the act of self-love to stick by your instinct. You may get it wrong from time to time and that’s totally okay. As with anything in life, we either get it right, or we get to learn!
4. Honouring self and turning the volume down on the inner critic - Really honouring what I need in the moment, whether its solitude or connection with others. And its okay to overshare sometimes. I find it hard to forgive myself and yet, its actually not so bad. I can learn to let go and be better next time! Most people on the spiritual path are great at self-reflection and the other side of the coin is that we can all have an inner critic that can sometimes be really harsh. We can replay that one interaction over and over in our heads trying to reenact how it would have been ideal and beat ourselves up for it not being the way we liked. I want to share that while its important to be honest with ourselves, its also essential to be kind with ourselves. What would you have told your bestie, partner or that one person close to you if they were beating themselves up for something like oversharing? That’s your answer! Its okay t share more than is comfortable sometimes. Maybe it was actually meant to be that way. Good time to say On Shanti, Peace, and move on.
5. Invoking the magic of prayer work –I believe so deeply in prayer work and so, asking my inner guidance to step in and help me shift focus to the other person and their sharing helps me so much too. I’m not just using my mental strength, I’m calling for energetic support! Makes everything so much easier! On a side note, even when I’m doing a Galactic or Cosmic Akashic Records Reading and find that the information flow has paused, I just send out a simple and sincere prayer to my Arcturian guides to allow the information that best serves my client to flow with ease and grace. Works like magic! Back from the side note, this is something I highly recommend. You may think, oversharing isn’t such a big deal and its not good to trouble your guides for such a trivial matter. I’d invite you to see this as a way to help yourself from the overthinking and regret that you might feel later. Think about all the acts of service you can do if you save that little guilt and embarrassment trip you take in your mental landscape? I think its definitely worth a try to return to prayer work, regardless of the scale of the issue.
This is how I got myself from out of my own head and made something good of it. By just taking the time to read this, you’ve been of service as a sacred witness to my process. So, thank you so much for that! I celebrate you and your kind heart!
I hope that this was some way useful to your own process of overthinking about oversharing! I send my wishes and love to your own journey of balancing your inner hermit and dancer!
If you’ve been on the hermit mode for too long or would like to go deeper into the multidimensional layers of balancing your connection with self and others, book a Cosmic Akashic 75-90min session or a Cosmic Akashic 45-60min . For this as well as a myriad of questions and challenges, an Akashic Records reading can be your magical tool for insights and transformation. We won’t just go into insights from your current lifetime, but also from your other lives, parallel realities and multidimensional realities from the earth, across the galaxy, the omniverse and beyond! With the assistance of Light Language activations, channelling and energy healing as it flows during the session, you’ll also receive the energetic support from your soul’s IAM presence. You can also join my Monthly Group Akashic Meditations to continue your soul’s journey of remembrance. Check out my website Cosmic Soul Whisperer to also explore my workshops, online courses, in person events and spiritual retreats!
Have a lovely week ahead, dear friend!
You are awesome and so loved!
